Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Random Opening Week Thoughts...

...Jose Mijares is doneski. Look, I'm not one to advocate overreacting after one or two games, but we're talking about a guy who has done nothing but suck since about August of last year. I swear every time he pitches I just assume the chunker is going to give up a home run. Plus, I swear I saw him devouring a small child the other day. My predictions look pretty good right about now.

...J.J. Hardy is pretty. Just sayin.

...Scott Baker is a good pitcher, but not a great pitcher. This really has nothing to with his opening start, but rather his track record as a guy who throws a lot of pitches and struggles to pitch deep into games against quality lineups. Sure he'll pitch some excellent games, and overall he is a good pitcher. He just isn't great. And he will never appear on the ace list.

...I can't decide if I thoroughly enjoy the Twins road uniforms, or thoroughly hate them. I couldn't possibly be more torn.

...Brendan Harris may very well be the most worthless player on the Twins roster. The Twins don't need a slightly less bad hitter batting ninth with the lineup they have. Punto should play everyday because his glove certainly makes up for his nine-hole bat.

...Jon Rauch is an enjoyable closer because, you know, he has a neck tattoo, but I still think Jesse Crain could be solid in the role. Then again, maybe I just want to be able to indiscriminately yell, "THE CRAIN TRAIN IS BACK ON TRACK!" without sounding like a crazy person.

...Maybe letting Garrett Jones leave wasn't the best idea...

...It's going to be a long, frustrating season if Jason Kubel sits every time Jim Thome plays. I know Del-Money is svelte now, but come on Gardy.

...I defy you to name a team with a more adorabley bromantic group of hitters than the Twins and the J's: Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, and J.J. Hardy. Oh, and I suppose you can throw Jason Kubel and his smirk in there. And Jim Thome. Basically any "J" other than Jose Mijares.

...I want to see a game in cold weather, because I get the feeling that Orlando Hudson would wear an inordinate amount of clothing.

...Speaking of O-Dawg, my friend informed me that there are shirzees (T-shirt jerseys) that say O-Dawg on the back instead of Hudson. If you buy one of these, kindly wander into oncoming traffic immediately.

...Color me spiteful, but I have tickets to the Thursday game at Target Field so I am kind of hoping the first two games get rained out turning that game into the Home Opener. Also, I think it would be funny to see all the people who paid $200 for tickets get screwed over. Really, I am just bitter that I'm ticketless.

...Lastly, and most importantly, baseball is back!


  1. If the home opener gets rained out, I hope you know that I'll get paid for roughly 3 1/2 hours of work for doing nothing but watching the rain fall :-P

    Also, you are the first person I've ever seen/heard use the word "svelte" that isn't my dad.

  2. going to the twinscentric viewing party this weekend?

  3. I dunno, I'm not sure yet if I am going to the viewing party this weekend.

  4. I'm just now seeing this and I've been reading your blog for a while now (friend of Bryz's), but this is the first time commenting. You're funny. And those thoughts are almost exactly what I'm thinking but more eloquently put than the way I would do it. Mine would probably involve some sailor words.

    And yes, J.J. Hardy is *very* pretty. That's coming from a Joe Mauer girl.

  5. Thanks Laura. I appreciate the kind words :)