Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Fantasy Football Etiquette

As most fantasy footballers are aware, there is a certain level of etiquette assumed when taking apart in a league. Like anything, there is a set of unwritten rules league members should follow.

The most important of these rules is that you don't mess with the standings. You don't throw games because you and a buddy are colluding, you don't try and make ridiculous trades to help someone else out. Basically you try and win your games, and if you don't make the playoffs, that is part of the game. Better luck next year.

Well, someone in my league decided to not play by the rules.

For a little background, the league I'm in is fairly standard: 10 team league, no weird scoring, 4 teams make the playoffs, etc.

Going into last week (final week of the regular season) I was in second place, holding a very tenuous lead. I was almost certainly in the playoffs, but seeding had yet to be decided.

Well, I lost my game, which didn't seem to be a big deal since I would end up in third place instead of second -- which is basically irrelevant.

Everything from there played out as I expected, until the first place team, who was a sure bet to win, benched Larry Fitzgerald and Vernon Davis to lose on purpose. He did this so his buddy would beat him, and move ahead of me in the standings.

Turns out, these two idiots have banded together and decided to split the money if one of them wins the league. The number one team lost on purpose so he wouldn't have to play his buddy in round one of the playoffs, thus insuring at least one of them would make the championship.

Bush league. Beyond bush league.

Seeing as how I know neither of these guys (they are in the league because a friend of mine is the commissioner, and he got a few guys from his gym to join) I took to the message boards. Naturally.

The following messages are taken verbatum from the message boards, starting right afterthe first place team (Ruff Ryders) and his buddy (SHOWTIME -- the should be fourth place team, but now third place team because of their colluding bull shit) try to explain their theory of why Ruff Ryders lost. They claimed Ruff Ryders wanted a better matchup.

Here is what transpired from there:

Me: So to clarify, Ruff Ryders threw his game to play a team that already beat him instead of playing a team he would have beaten twice if he wasn't too busy failing at being strategic. Makes sense.

Here I thought SHOWTIME was the biggest tool in the league for changing his name to something so retarded. But apparently stupidty is an STD.


(Interjection: How clever, eh?)

SHOWTIME: Look man. Man up and call it like it is.

Nate is #1 regardless of if he wins/lost last week and the week before. So he has the right to bench whom ever he wants.

So, instead of focusing on the problem...you team not being as good as you think, why dont you just be a man, realize that its a fantacy team, and deal with STUPID SHIT like me calling my team SHOWTIME! Deal with IT

Me: So in your pea brained, roided out world, where fantasy is spelled with a "c" and whomever is two words, being a man involves what exactly?

Playing scared of a team that you would've beaten twice during the regular season if you weren't strategically challenged?

Or possibly just generally being a weasel?

Ruff Ryders made the choice to play the game like an ass hole, and I am calling him out on it.

As for mocking your team name, I am just saying what everyone else is thinking. I'm sure, though, "SHOWTIME" serves you well when hanging out with the rest of the cast of Jersey Shore.

(Interjection: Normally, I find it obnoxious when people correct correct grammar and spelling on message boards, but this was so blatant I couldn't resist. Plus that was a top-notch burn and you all know it.)

SHOWTIME: Never once did I make it personal with anyone. So way to go man. I will deal with it. It is what it is. I just dont know what I did wrong. Look at my lineups, I am not even trying. Once I start to win people get upset. There is NO cheating going on here. Look at my teams record, who I start, who I bench. If I cared I would have only lost 2 maybe 3 games.

But if you do want to make it personal come say it to my face

Me: First of all, if you are going to try and take the high road, don't end your post with a vague threat of violence. It undermines your poor attempt at civility.

Second of all, while I certainly agree I am being petty, I don't understand why you got involved in the argument if you weren't ready to be ripped on. We weren't having a spirited debate about whether the Colts or Saints are a better team, we were arguing about general douche baggery. I'm pretty sure civility was out the window from the start.

None of this matters, of course, since your juggernaut of mediocrity is destined to win the league, anyway. So I suppose we can consider this entire argument moot, and all hand our money over to you now.

The messages pretty much end there, aside from SHOWTIME threatening to kick everyone's ass.

I guess I just wanted to share my frustration with my four readers (plus I think it is an entertaining exchange). I think it is fair to say I got hosed in the situation. Hopefully, karma will make things right.

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